THE INNER VOICE OF NURSING HOME PATIENTS DURING COVID-19 PANDEMIC
Written by Diana Chan R.Ph, BCNSP (Pharmacist, Board Certified Nutrition Support Pharmacist), 4/23/2020
I used to be an important CEO.
I was the one who told people what to do.
Here, people are telling me what to do.
I am known as Room-101 in Hall-1 by healthcare workers.
I want to visit my family at home.
The nurse says: You must wait to get permission for a pass.
When did I lose my freedom, may I ask?
I don’t remember I had committed any crime.
I used to be a pilot.
Gliding through the sky like an eagle is my passion.
My spirit was as free as the birds.
I want to fly my plane again tomorrow.
The nurse says: Sorry Mister, you can’t fly your plane anymore.
I don’t understand why they took away my plane.
I used to be an athlete.
I can deadlift twice my weight.
I was once the winner of Ironman Triathlon.
People used to cheer and applaud just for me.
But now, I am a burden to everyone.
I don’t remember committing any sin.
Why did God give me good health and take it away?
I am now stuck in this sickly place.
They won’t let me exercise or play.
I am a mother of 5 children and a grandma of 25 grandchildren.
I used to cook and take care of them every day.
They are the love and center of my life.
Where are my children and grandchildren now? I don’t remember when I saw them last.
It has been so long ago that I can hardly remember all their names.
Why aren’t my children and grandchildren coming to see me? I ask.
The nurse says: We are under attack by Coronavirus. They can’t come to see you because they have to shelter in place.
I have a daughter and a granddaughter
I used to play and sing with them every day.
Now I am away from my family in this depressing and confusing place.
I no longer hear the sweet little girl’s voice asking: Papa, when are we going to play?
I miss the foods my wife used to cook for the family.
I miss the laughter of my daughter and granddaughter.
Why am I here? Who took my daughter and my granddaughter away?
When I fought with the nurses and nurse aides, they told the doctor to put me on Haldol to put me away.
I used to be a doctor.
I took care of my patients every day.
Now I live in this place for senior patients.
I am supposed to receive good care from doctors, nurses and aides.
I lost my voice and can hardly talk.
I become invisible because I can’t talk.
So I pushed the help-button constantly but no one came for me.
One day, a nurse aide pushed me in a wheel chair to the dining room and left me there.
I tried to yell out: I am in pain; someone please help me!
But no one around me could hear me; they pushed me out of the way because I was in their way.
I used to take care of people, but now, no one takes care of me.
What is this place called nursing home?
Is it a prison in disguise as home?
Or is it a hell-on-earth on the way to our final home?
If I cannot breathe, eat or drink on my own, I don’t belong.
I don’t look pretty if I have tubes hanging all over my body.
I should have the right to choose what to do with my life.
You can have my ventilator, I rather be in any place than in a nursing home!
Oh, God Mercy, please end my misery and take me to your heavenly home!
I will close my eyes in peace and wave my hands to say goodbye to my loved ones and my own home.
